A SAMPLE OF ARTICLES WRITTEN BY DR. ARNOLD
• Goal Setting
• Marital Happiness
• Permission without Approval
• The Purpose of a Sexual Relationship
• Raising Confident Children
• Motivation of Learners
• Is Spanking Barbaric?
High goals demotivate; low goals motivate because they increase
the likelihood of success. Everybody wants to be successful. Nobody
wants to be a failure. When people think that they are not going
to achieve success, they usually stop trying; at least they can't
fail if they don't try.
When we talk of marital happiness, there are two things spouses
need to do. First of all they have to meet each other’s role
expectations – and every couple has those expectations. However,
doing only what is expected of you in your role as husband or wife
will not bring about marital bliss. For example, I expect my wife
to prepare a meal for me regularly. If she did not do that, it would
make me very unhappy; but the fact that she does it, does not make
me happy. After all, she is only doing what is expected of her.
She has many expectations of me. For example, she expects me to
fix things when they break (like a leaking tap). If I don’t
fix it, she is unhappy; if I do fix it, she is not unhappy. After
all, I've only done what is expected of me. To prevent unhappiness
in marriage you have to do what your spouse expects of you.
Whenever I ask managers to tell me what they mean when they talk of
"motivating subordinates", the most common definition is
that "motivation is to get a subordinate to do what the manager
wants him to do". Some may add that the subordinate has to do
it to the best of his ability, but most of them agree that motivation
is getting someone to do what you want him to do. Is that in fact
what motivation entails? But that is a myth.
One of the greatest sources of conflict between teenagers and parents
is on the issue of moral values and behaviour. When the kids were
small, we as parents could impose our standards on them, but now that
they are teens we find that a great deal more difficult to do. As
a result more tears have been shed and more harsh words have been
spoken than on any other topic. And often so unnecessarily.
The problem is not the parents' values and standards. A survey at
a college in the U.S.A. found that something like 80% of students
said that their values coincided to a large extent with the values
of their parents. (Take heart parents!). The real problem is the way
we seek to impose those standards.
Purpose of a Sexual Relationship
The secular magazines are full of articles on sex, yet not one that
I have ever read discusses the actual purpose of a sexual relationship
between a man and a woman? What is that purpose? What did God have
in mind when He created sex? What needs are satisfied in sexual intercourse?
In asking numerous people this question, the following purposes were
- Physical pleasure
- Expression of love
My belief is that sexual relations meets each one of these needs,
yet it is not the primary purpose for which God created sex. (There
are other deviant purposes for sex. For some it satisfies the need
to conquer - and of course such people never have one partner for
very long because they become bored with that person. In extreme cases
such as rape, its purpose is to express hatred towards the opposite
sex. These are obviously not what God intended when He designed sex.)
From the day our first child was born, my wife and I set two specific
goals for our children. We prayed that by the time they left home
each one would be walking with God in a very practical manner. The
second goal was that each child should have a healthy self-esteem
and feel confident about coping with all the challenges and crises
they would face in life. This chapter deals with the things that we
as parents can do to raise confident children, and the things we need
to avoid doing, so as not to damage their self-esteem.
I want to suggest four basic strategies that parents can use to develop
a healthy self-esteem in their children: togetherness, non-judgment,
encouragement and acceptance.
|| The Motivation of Learners
At the outset it is important to define the concept of motivation accurately. In the business world, when managers are asked what they understand by the term ‘motivation’ the most common definition is “influencing subordinates to achieve the goal that the manager wants them to achieve”. Is that, however, a valid definition of motivation? I believe not, because it does not distinguish the difference between movement and motivation.